Stagnant

When I think of blogging, I think of the teenage girls in movies from broken homes who share every thought as life throws every curve ball at them that you can imagine. I'm not like that. I think some things are not meant for others. I like the idea of letting my thoughts be heard, and perhaps been an insightful notion that brings about great ideas. But I don't want to lay my heart out when things aren't going that well. Which makes it difficult to have a blog about life, when life sucks. I have been a college graduate since May of this year. Which means that it has been over 6 months since I have been in school, which is great. School and I were no longer agreeing with each other, so I finished gracefully, and am glad to be done. Problem is, when life doesn't catch up with your plans. The hoped for expectation is that college will help you get a job, so what do you do when it doesn't? So far, one accounting recruiting season has passed, and I didn't even get a phone call about interviews. I have contacted an accounting temp service, where I have had one interview that didn't go anywhere. I want to work. I would like to have a job where I am at least having the opportunity to continue work experience on standard accounting software like QuickBooks, using Excel, etc. Something to show that I am not just sitting around, but I am making an effort.

It has been over a year since I had a job, because I quit my work study position at my school in order to finish strong in my last two semesters. I was beyond burnout with my job, and it was effecting me in the classroom. I know how to manage having more things to do than time to complete them. I was that student that always had 15-18 credits every term for 4 years. The overachiever. I graduated with two degrees and a minor in 4 years, and I still graduated with honors. I can handle busy. What I don't know how to handle, is time.

Everyday is like a free weekend, where I managed to get all my homework done and I can read a book. Which was ultimate freedom for the first month. Now, I am getting tired of just reading, and watching Netflix. I am tired of having no reason to get out of my pj's. I look at myself and I have no issue seeing why no one hired me, I wouldn't hire me right now. I currently, am going nowhere.

How do you get from point A to B? Because self motivation, is actually really difficult. When a task is delegated to you from a professor and you have a deadline, or multiple. Then you prioritize based on your strengths, how complicated the task, and how time consuming, as well as the allotted time. I never liked the idea of being a teacher's pet, but at the same time, I never wanted to be the student that disappointed them because they knew I could do better. What do you do, when there is no one to hold you accountable except for yourself?

On Tuesday, the 9th I got back my scores from the second CPA exam I have taken in the last 6 months. Two different subjects, both the same result. Fail. I failed. How do you look at yourself in the morning knowing you are a failure? I have never failed before. Convincing myself to schedule those tests again, to study my heart out until I KNOW I will pass because I have to, feels next to impossible. These exams are meant to be difficult, they are meant to make you question yourself. Do I really want to be a certified public accountant? And the answer is still YES! But 6 months without working, and studying full time isn't helping me. Having no reason to leave the same spot all day is driving me crazy. So the hope lies in multitasking. When I have something to do, when I have to prioritize my time, and get the most out of every minute, I do better. That is how I survived school. I need to find things to do with my day.

I want one of those to be a part time or even a full time job. And I am becoming very lax in what area that job is. I am resourceful, I can find transferable skills in practically any job. Since the accounting temp service hasn't had any real leads, I will start looking in retail. Customer service, the ability to talk with others is a valuable skill anywhere. I will begin revamping my resume, and submitting them wherever they are hiring, for temporary or permanent employment.

I have started working out again, that fills up an hour of my day, and makes me feel a sense of accomplished. Getting in good physical shape is important to me, and will make me feel better about myself. Keeping the motivation to keep it up, that is a struggle. Because changing your habits isn't an easy process. But I need to do something, and this is something I can do.

Along with those two things, I have a burning desire to start dancing again. It is something that I love and has always put a smile on my face. Even when making mistakes. It has been something that I have been able to laugh about and learn from. If income allows, I will begin taking Argentine Tango lessons again. Because, sometimes you need a reason to smile.

There are three things that I want, and in some senses really need to implement into my life so that I can feel like I am going somewhere. That I am still the successful, headed for great things, overachiever that I was in school. The one that even when things were difficult, and making me want to give up, rose from the ashes and continued on through the struggles.

The easy road isn't what defines you as a person. It is what you do when you fall that truly shows your worth. How you pick up the pieces, and find your way through the dark is what builds your character. I'm ready to grow as a person. I'm ready to move forward, and get myself out of the rubble that has buried me. I'm done feeling stagnant, it is time to start moving forward.

How things go. Changing, yet still the same.

I had originally thought that all my blogs would be meaningful, hold some interesting bit of insight. But I have come to realize, I don't write enough on here to be insightful, let alone have enough insights into living life as I sit at home most days trying to work my way through CPA exam study materials. I had a decent post put together that I wrote, and managed delete unintentionally back in June. I just haven't decided if I want to try and recreate it or not. I have to wonder what people who blog do it for, is it there own live journal, or is something else? I used to journal frequently when I was in middle school, or as my mom likes to call it 'middle school hell'. But I don't seem willing to pick up and pen and write down all my thoughts anymore. The good, bad and ugly- letting my day spill out onto the page. I saw some sign that I thought was very insightful if you took it beyond the obvious intent, and had intended to inspire me into writing, but I never wrote it down, and the post was never written. Waiting for something to inspire me, is different than writing about my day. What is it that draws people to writing? I can't even assume anyone reads my very infrequent blog posts, does that change how people write? If they KNOW someone is reading?

All I know for sure, is that simply having my degree doesn't mean I know anything about living. I experienced life when I went to Chile, Argentina, and Peru for my two month study abroad trip. But even then, I was closed off to a lot of potential experiences. I can remember graduating high school and most of us thinking we were all that and a bag of chips, I look at high school students now, and laugh at how naive we were. But sadly, I have to almost do the same now, how naive are we post grad, thinking that we are now ready for all life has in store for us? But 4 months outside of school, and I still don't have a job, and i'm still working on exams, and writing resumes and wondering, is all that I really know enough?

Family Responsibility allocations

What prompts the assignment of responsibility? There are always those in the business world who receive promotions because they are proficient in their work, and can be delegated more tasks. But delegation, doesn't always amount to where the work is actually completed.

But what about in families? How is responsibility for taking care of the older generations allocated?
Some generations still hold fast to the belief that the male is the more capable of the genders, and should be put in charge of all tasks. Should gender roles be the deciding factor on who is in charge of the nitty gritty family issues? From who is the trustee on the will, to who takes care of the day to day responsibilities, and medical visits.

Should it be determined by who has the most experience with each particular avenue? Or is it perhaps the favorite relative? When it comes down to it, who is the one who properly takes care of the desires of the older generations within a family?

With my sisters, in regards for our mom when the times come down to it, I know I will probably be the one taking care of mom for the most part. There are several reasons for this, I'm the youngest child, and have had the most one on one time with her. I will probably be the most financially stable. Though my sisters are married, and have good jobs- my career path has the potential to knock theirs out of the ballpark. I am in the financial realm of things career wise. Delegating any remaining money or estate that may be left over should be relatively straight forward for me. All valid reasons, but each of my sisters have reasons and capabilities for why they too could help. My oldest sister being a nurse, her help during doctors visits, and medical attention, would be welcomed.

So why is it that when obviously families can have very capable individuals, do family members end up feeling like they drew the short end of the stick, when they end up being responsible? Why does it sometimes simply come down to those who are actually around, that have always been personally responsible for themselves, that self appoint themselves as care taker when no one else will?

How many middle to low class individuals end up feeling like my mom, forced to give up whatever semblance of the life they could build with their income, to take care of their parents? How many of them have parents that were of a generation that if their children were not the correct gender valued by society, then they were left unaware if they are actually loved, or if they simply are the result of the expectation to have children.

I hope to be able to help my mother before she has need of it, so that looking after her when the time comes never feels like an obligation. But a reason to spend time with someone that I love, and ensure that there is something to look forward to from day to day.

Tomorrow is a dream that leads me onward...

Blogging does not come naturally to me, I am quickly discovering. Just as I don't post much on Facebook, it is difficult to determine which thoughts are worth sharing. I have officially graduated from with my bachelors degree. Yet, even so- I haven't had much happen in the last couple weeks that seem worthy of any added attention.

I am about to start prepping for my CPA exams, and hopefully in the process will follow through on applying for some jobs in the area in my field of interest. As much as I would like to have a job, and be working right now, it has been very nice to relax and reread some of my book collection as I muddle my way through unpacking.

I keep thinking about a quote by Karen Ravn, that has on my wall on and off over the years that continues to inspire me

tomorrow is a path I've yet to choose,
it's a chance I've yet to take
a friend I've yet to make,
it's all the talent I have yet to use.
Tomorrow is a dream that leads me onward,
always just a step ahead of me...
it's the joy I've yet to know,
for it's the person I have yet to be.

Something as eloquently put as that should be shared. The poster that holds it was published by Hallmark in 1980, and I am in desperate need to try and restore my personal copy. One that to this day I don't know where it came from, or how it was passed down to me, but am extremely glad to have.

I hope to live up to this quote. That I will look to the future as the gift it is. One filled with choices, that influence the person I am. I can look at the past, see the choices I have made thus far, and accept the person I am today, and embrace the possibilities of tomorrow.

The blessings that I have received this point, are as a result of goals that I have set for myself in the past, and have diligently worked for. My degree is one of many of my accomplishments of which I am proud. Though at present, I may feel lacking in my talents as a resent graduate without a job, I will endeavor to take chances. In order to follow through with my conviction to help others succeed and understand how to make their finances result in the lives they which to live.

I just happen to find this very accurate bit of wisdom that also references Karen Ravn's quote, and thought I should pass it along.
http://www.elon.edu/e-web/pendulum/Issues/2005/Graduation/news/journey.xhtml

Amelia Earhart's Speech "A Woman’s Place in Science"

First I want to extensively apologize for the lack of posts over this month since my introduction to this blog. They say it takes on average 21 days to form a habit. I am afraid simple intention does not implemented something new into one's schedule.

I am taking a Rhetorical Criticism communication class my last semester in school, and one of the elements that we looked at as a class was neo-aristotelian criticism. This type of criticism is no longer used very often, because it is very difficult to pinpoint the exact outcome of a speech, which is the basis of the theory. One can assume that events following may have been a result, but it is very complicated to have tangible proof that the speech given had a cause and effect relationship. As a result, this type of criticism has for the most part been phased out. In order to have a full understanding of this concept, each student was asked to locate a speech and lead a class discussion applying the criticism. In the process of looking at possible speeches, I found Amelia Earhart's speech from 1935 on the history channel, after locating the full transcript and recording, this was the artifact I selected to present.

The time constraints for the class discussion limited what aspects of the criticism that we looked at and applied, I will present some of them here. 

In 1935 Amelia Earhart spoke to women of the world over a radio broadcast, with a speech entitled "A Woman's Place in Science". This speech was given two years before her disappearance.

Amelia Earhart was born July 24, 1897. She assisted as a nurse during World War 1, and was 23 the year women received the right to vote. The following year, in 1921, that June Amelia flew solo for the first time. At age 25, she acquired her first airplane, a Kinner Airster. In June 1928, age 31, she became known as “Lady Lindy” for her similarity to Charles Lindbergh, after being the first woman passenger to fly across the Atlantic. The following year when the stock market crashed in 1929, did not slow down her career by much, in 1932 she set a speed record for all pilots, while being the first women to fly solo across the Atlantic. The year she spoke on the radio she completed a non-stop flight from Honolulu to Oakland, Ca. At this point she had written two books, and was married to her publishing associate George Putnam.

Amelia showcases ethos by demonstrating her intelligence, and standing of women in the home, as the basis for the invention of her speech. Her personal style is of a tomboy appearance, but the style of the speech addressing women, she chooses to compete against her personal style as well as the public view of her being not friendly or ladylike. By addressed the speech in a very calm, cool and collected tone, befitting of a respectable educated woman. Her delivery is well worded, keeping it very time conscious for those listening over the radio. She presents her viewpoint as a newscaster might present a story. In this way, she does not present a new form of speaking, instead maintains a way of addressing the public that is well known, and allows the audience to keep the believe that a woman's persona should be one of delicacy.

Neo-Aristotelian criticism continues on beyond some of the basic foundations I have laid out.
I wanted to share this simply because hearing this speech, reading her words, and absorbing it, was so enjoyable for me. Her speech is one for all women to take courage from.

Not only has applied science decreased the toil in the home, but it has provided undreamed of economic opportunities for women. Today, millions of them are earning their living under conditions made possible only through a basically altered industrial system. Probably no scientific development is more startling than the effect of this new and growing economic independence upon women themselves. When the history of our times is written, it must record as supremely significant the physical, psychic and social changes women have undergone in these exciting decades. 

These words, are so powerful and true. I strongly encourage you to listen to the speech she gave, read the words she said, and think about if they are still relevant for us today. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

Here is one site that provides the full text of the speech and the ability to listen to it from the broadcast.
http://www.creatinghistory.com/amelia-earhart-a-womans-place-in-science/

New Beginning

This blog's URL is 'living-2-learn'. Which originally was for my study abroad trip blog, but since that trip was a finite learning experience it is now under a new name. Living-2-learn is now designated to being my expansive blog about living, and the things that I learn along the way.

My hope is to use this blog to share about some of the things I am learning about in my last few months in school, all they way through to things I learn in the "real world".

This is going to be a long endeavor, it will take me awhile to become a regular correspondent. So bare with me as I become acquainted with sharing about my experiences as I live and learn in today's world.